As I sit here and study the world in my mind I struggle to brush aside things that make me unhappy. Tears from my conscience start to flow, I never thought it was ever going to be my own tears that would cause me to drown.
Pain from all directions, it’s like a never ending tap that drips anxiety into my mind leaving a pool of confusion that sinks deeper into my veins causing a pollution of emotions that leaves my heart feeling invaded by demons which caused my heart to forget its true rhythm.
The feeling of regret had become the hardest thing in life to let go of. Why is that, and why does it keep happening? I know how it felt and I wanted to escape it. Inside of me it’s good versus evil – a war that no one can see.
Stop making out you know me, and then adding to my pain. Be honest how can we claim we know others, when we don’t know our own minds?
You know my name, not my story. You’ve heard what I’ve done, but not what I’ve been through. You think I’m happy but I’m struggling inside. You tell me you care for me, but caused the pain.
I keep saying to myself the the stars in the sky can’t shine with out darkness, and with every hardship comes ease, keep moving and find your strength.
I’m tired of hurting my own body and believing the negative that rolls off your tongue in the name of friendship when you know it’s not true.
I’ve come to a conclusion that through the cuts that I’ve felt and the scars that I bare; and through the tears that flow. You’ll never know what you’ve done to me, causing my mind to become totally numb.
Step aside and leave me alone, stop pretending, I’m returning to a place I can call home.
You don’t have to like me and that’s ok . I just feel sorry for you that you feel that way. It’s time for me to step away and start reconnecting to God today. I’m not a leach nor are you, so do what makes you happy and I’ll do what I’ve got to do.
Ya Allah forgive me for my heart is full of regret I stand in total repentance again, and I believe no matter how many times I repent it’s your mercy that helps me move forward. I’ve relied on your creation for too long that I’ve hurt my very soul. I am regretful again for letting go of you. I beg of you, hold on to me and pull me closer I need your mercy.
I am human and that makes me weak but when I call out to your remembrance, I feel the inner streght coming alive.